I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
