Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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