I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
