so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
