we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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