Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
