you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
