Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think your dad took our porno
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
