Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
