Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
