Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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