Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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