When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
