im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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