It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
