he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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