thus making me awesome and them whores
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
