i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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