The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
