When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
