i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
