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• (813): View more from Florida

  i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers

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• (917): View more from New York City

  level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.

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• (714): View more from California

  Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Is Oprah even human

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.

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