didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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