her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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