Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
