Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
