Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
