Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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