So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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