and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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