think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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