After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He uses pillows to masturbate.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
