dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
