Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
