look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
