Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my sisters under your porch take her home
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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