I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
