o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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