Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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