its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
