community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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