Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
