i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
