Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
did i walk over a car last night?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
