watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
