Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
