ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw a hot homeless man
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
