I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
