i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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