Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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